We often hear, "Go to your happy place." Or we're asked where our happy place is, but our happy place may not be the same as our calming place. My happy place is watching football with others; however, if you spent an hour with me on a Sunday afternoon in the fall - you would see (and hear) why it's not my calming place. And that's okay, happy places are great too. By the way, Phins Up!
Also, things that calm us aren't always our calming place either. Having and following a daily/weekly routine is probably the most calming thing to me, but it becomes the most stressful when my routine has to be flexible or change.
I'd say I have two main calming places: my praise playlist and reading in my room. I recently had a day where I felt so heavy over something I was struggling with. I decided to put on my praise playlist, and even though I didn't feel all happy by the end of my time listening, I felt a lot lighter and calmer. I, also, remember back a few years ago, I was in a lonely season and college was just seeming so overwhelming. Every night though, I tried to read a chapter of my favorite book series before I went to bed. It would be calming enough for me to fall asleep reading.
Finding your calming place, and making sure you go there often, is one of the ways you can nurture calmness in your lives. And calmness is key in battling your anger.
Along with being slow to anger, we must realize that anger can’t help us live a life that honors God. If anger can’t assist us in a godly life, then maybe its opposites – calmness, patience, and self-control – can.
These attributes are talked about highly in the Bible. Proverbs shares that God finds more value in us being patient and controlled, than us being fighters. This means that we need to put more time into exercising patience and self-control, even more than we do our muscles. In the same book, we see that calmness shows wisdom and patience reveals understanding. But being quick to anger is considered foolishness. Both Ecclesiastes and Proverbs tell us that calmness extinguishes anger. When you respond with calmness, it’s like throwing water onto a huge fire. Paul reminds us that patience and self-control are fruits of the Spirit. As Christians, we have access, through the Holy Spirit, to be patient and controlled.
What nurturing these characteristics look like: One, practicing controlling ourselves when we want to lash out. Letting our anger out doesn’t ever seem to help, but controlling ourselves and responding with graceful confidence can send a strong message. Two, learning and experiencing more. It’s easy to get angry when we’re unsure how to handle something or we have a lack of understanding about it, gaining experience and knowledge can help prevent this. Third, reflecting on how to bring about calm. Instead of adding to anger, focus on desiring to create calm in all situations. Lastly, growing closer to the Holy Spirit. A healthy relationship with the Holy Spirit is key to seeing patience and self-control in our lives.
Here’s what not to do to nurture calmness, patience and control: Decide to take every fight – The Lord fights the battles that truly need to be fought, stay calm. Believe that you can’t be calm – Jesus calmed an external storm and, with that same power, He can calm your internal waves of anger. Viewing calmness and patience as weaknesses – Being patient and calm doesn’t mean that you’re allowing or agreeing with what someone’s doing, they’re strengths that show that you trust that God has ultimate control.
God's Guidance:
James 1:19-20 (NCV) – “My dear brothers and sisters, always be willing to listen and slow to speak. Do not become angry easily, because anger will not help you live the right kind of life God wants.”
Proverbs 16:32 (NIRV) – “It is better to be patient than to fight. It is better to control your temper than to take a city.”
Proverbs 14:29 (NIRV) – “Anyone who is patient has great understanding. But anyone who gets angry quickly shows how foolish they are.”
Proverbs 29:11 (NIV) – “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”
Ecclesiastes 10:4 (HCSB) – “If the ruler’s anger rises against you, don’t leave your place, for calmness puts great offenses to rest.”
Proverbs 15:1 (NIV) – “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Galatians 5:22-23 (NIRV) “But the fruit the Holy Spirit produces is love, joy and peace. It is being patient, kind and good. It is being faithful and gentle and having control of oneself. There is no law against things of that kind.”
Exodus 14:14 (NIV) – “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.””
Psalm 46:10 (ESV) – ““Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
Mark 4:39 (ESV) – “And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.”
Application:
1. Pray that God would prepare and equip you to bring calmness into situations filled with anger
2. The next time you’re tempted to lash out in anger, take a deep breath in for five seconds and let it out for another five seconds, in these moments decide to choose control over impulse
3. When you’re angry or annoyed with someone, try to pause and look at the situation from their side or what they might struggle with – not to excuse what they did or said, but to remember that they’re human and not your enemy
Strength Point:
Choosing calmness and patience, instead of anger, shows wisdom, understanding, and strength.
Reflection Question:
Where is your calming place?
Prayer Prompt:
Hi Jesus! Thank You for Your calming presence. You are a calm God, and You desire for us to be calm. I’m sorry for when I know I should calm down, but choose not to. Remind me, Lord, that a calm spirit and a calm mind can assist me in living a life that You want for me. I pray that I wouldn’t view calmness as a weakness, but instead, I’d realize that it’s a strength to nurture. Help me to take the time to spiritually exercise and nurture the calmness within me. I need You, Holy Spirit, to be able to do this. Teach and lead me, in Your calmness, to be calm. I want to learn to be calm, so that I can share your calming force with others. Give me opportunities to nurture the calmness You have planted inside me, including moments where I need to be calm with myself. Thank You for being calm with us. Everything about You is good. I love You! In Jesus’ Name, amen!
A Prayer to Pray over Others:
Hi Jesus! Thank You for Your calming presence. You are a calm God, and You desire for us to be calm. Help my friend, when they know they should calm down, to choose peace and calmness. Remind them, Lord, that a calm spirit and a calm mind can assist them in living a life that You want for them. I pray that my friend wouldn’t view calmness as a weakness, but instead, they’d realize that it’s a strength to nurture. Help them to take the time to spiritually exercise and nurture the calmness within them. Holy Spirit, my friend needs You to be able to do this, gently nudge them to their next step. Teach and lead them, in Your calmness, to be calm. Create a desire in them to want to learn to be calm, so that they can share Your calming force with others. Give my friend opportunities to nurture the calmness You have planted inside them, including moments where they need to be calm with themselves. Thank You for being calm with us. Everything about You is good. I love You, Lord! In Your Name, Jesus, I pray, amen!
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